Bleargh

Hot damn dragon!

This week:

Near your close friends you’ll find comfort and sympathy that’ll again give life its beautiful colors and you your solid appetite for living. You’ll be able to make good bargains, and the small delays that annoyed you will be forgotten. Don’t judge your fellow-men too hastily; show fair play and indulgence.

* and the Leo: Know that you’re a unique being; you don’t have to act like everybody.

Gave the PST a can of Kama Sutra Mints. Erotic mints for the adult mind or something like that. When I bought them I thought they’d be regular mints, though I did think that perhaps they’d come in penis or boob shapes. Well, we got luckier: The mints have Kama Sutra position embossed on them! Hehe. Not that many positions, maybe about five or six, but still, so cool yeah?

I’ll buy more the next time I’m at that sex shop in Singapore (Bugis Street, y’all!).

The fasting month’s begun and I’ve only been woken up once by the idiot boy on the 17th floor, who just haaaaad to loudly do his azan at 4am or whatever sahur time is here.  Luckily he didn’t scream out the whole thing in the kitchen, my guess is he went to the living room or his room to finish up the whole azan, which I thought was a little weird. Aren’t you supposed to sembahyang in one place? Can jalan2 one meh? Hmmm…

Btw, this is the same boy who’ll loudly sing lagu rock kapak or jiwang songs in the shower at ungodly hours.

Been eating pork the whole day. I think I’ll be needing some fish for dinner today.

Ciao.

I get jealous easily. Well, I don’t get jealous over things like achievements or wealth or beauty, I only get jealous when friends and family don’t pay attention to me.

It’s weird because I almost always don’t want any attention from everyone else, but when my friends (especially my friends!) ignore, or worse, avoid me, I get real jealous. And when I get jealous I get mean.

I say mean things, and not necessarily about the person I am jealous of, too, which is even worse because some poor sap who has nothing to do with anything might just get cursed at by me.

When I was a kid and I’d get jealous at a cousin or a friend, I’d usually just think of evil things about that person and “handle” things in my head. I don’t kill them off or anything, I just imagine them away. Easy as that. No need for violence. No need for loose words.

It’s childish, I know, but that’s how I’ve always been and I don’t think I’ll ever change.

Now that I’m older, however, I find it is harder for me to control this weird jealousy thing because well, I am more vocal (not by much but I do share my opinions more now, however harsh they may be), I know more words, I am more cunning and my imagination isn’t what it used to be anymore.

AMC once said that I can be quite curt sometimes and that was the first time I realised how much words, no matter how simple, can have a powerful effect on a person when said in the wrong tone, or with damning intent.

This is why I’ve had several silent periods with DG in the 13 years that we’ve known each other. It’s why I used to be so down on myself about a decade ago when I said mean things to AMC and regreted them almost instantly. While things might be fine and dandy between us all now, looking back, I realise what a tool I was and how much better I would have felt then if I had just held back on my words.

In the past few weeks, the green-eyed monster in me is slowly starting to crawl out of hiding and I am very wary of its existence. So far, I have managed to keep my brusqueness at bay, and swallowed my words back up quickly whenever I’ve said something mean about someone (though every now and then somebody does manage to catch it). However, I don’t know how long I can keep this up; I worry that eventually, I will say something mean to that very person, causing everything to go down in flames, never to be repaired.

And when that happens, all that’s left will be me, sitting alone in the dark corner, full of regret, feeling like a fresh turd.

Let’s hope that never happens. I really hate dark corners.

Not alright, still, but getting better. I think hanging around friends and the kids (and one farting baby) in the past few days helped a lot.

Work has also kept me occupied and kept my mind off unimportant things I’d rather forget.

Maybe I’ll completely forget everything by Friday, when the kids and I drink ourselves silly with pints of Guinness. Yep, we’re going to attempt to drink that draught on Friday.

Maria says it has fewer calories than normal beer, so that’s why she’s going black. Wgan doesn’t really like it, but in the spirit of camarederie, he’s going to down a few. Or maybe just one.

Saroja hasn’t said anything yet, but methinks she will not go for it. Kan? She’ll probably drink one of those girly ales like a snakebite or whatever.

- Nisha says: Snake? Bite? -

Me, I’ll drink four pints, I promise. Five, even, if I still don’t feel like myself by then. No matter how much I hated it in the past (well I only had it once, when I was completely wasted and wanted to drink water but the only thing readily available was this guy’s Guinness, heh), I think in my old age - queue laugh track - I’d appreciate something erm, heartier.

Saroja hates this but I don’t care - Today, my Leo horoscope said:
Someone will try to cheat you by making numerous promises; be vigilant, don’t let yourself be swayed. Your relationships with your nearest and dearest will be noticeably reduced; possibilities of absence or moving.

The first one didn’t happen, but the second is pretty much spot on. Well, sort of. That’s basically the main reason for all this three-week-old crap. Damn you horoscope man!

Anyways, as for my weekly horoscope prediction, it said: Be pitiless toward those who don’t cease putting spokes in your wheel. It will be essential to recover your energy completely; give yourself more moments of rest. Don’t forget that whoever pays his debts becomes rich.

I am, and have always been, pitiless towards bitches. Tomorrow morning, if the sun is out early maybe I won’t go for a walk because today was soooo bloody hot! I paid my housing loan on Monday and I am now so poor. Blast!

My daily Dragon horoscope said: Discard from your diet aqueous fruits such as grapes and tomatoes, so as to avoid water retention.

Er, ok.

Weekly Dragon: Your love life will suddenly bloom. Ideal week to get engaged or married.

Uh-huh. Sure. I’ll send out the e-vites soon enough.

I’m starting to like this BlackBerry business, but I still miss my Nokia. I wish I could use both. I love my pink Nokia because it has taken some of the best pictures of myself, and the funniest videos of other people. And when my damn Olympus died on me in the middle of winter in Dusseldorf earlier this year, it was my Nokia that came to rescue, at least where pictures were concerned.

Even so, I love the fact that I can talk for free with my Ayams from all over the world. Okay, just one Ayam from London and, very soon, another Ayam from KK. I don’t really know any other friend who uses a BB, they all seem to have fallen prey to the evilness that is the iPhone.

Apart from that, the BB also allows me easier access to Facebook, which means that I no longer have to wait for er, 30 seconds for my FB page to load on my phone. (On Thursday I’m meeting a former colleague who wants to interview me about my ‘addiction’ to FB. Yay! I am finally an addict of something!) I’m still trying to figure out how to get my ringtones in order. Unlike my Nokia, the BB does not really let me personalise profile settings, which means my ringtones and my SMS tones are basically the same. I think. I dunno, I have to check the manual again and again and again. Crap.

Anyways, I’m hoping me and the kids will finally be able to go out tonight. I’m kinda looking forward to Sid’s, that was a pretty nice place to hang out. Not too old, not too young, not too expensive, not too noisy and not too smokey. I just wish they played better music, though. Heh.

Oh, this afternoon I came across a photo album on FB that featured my original “kids”. They’re all grown up now, many didn’t do a good job of it though, while others looked well, okay I guess. It was weird looking at all those men (ew, it’s so hard to think of those kids as men!) mucking about like they used to in school more than a decade ago. It was even weirder that many of these men still looked the same, only older (definitely not “mature”! Haha) and er, with less hair.

I wonder what they’ll think of me when they actually see me now? The fat “mother” who used to hang out and rough house with the boys. The senior who was so cool, I was the only girl they ever egged, floured and hosed down on my birthday. Or so they said. “Kalau orang lain memang marah bah, kalau kau kami tau kau okay saja.”

Yeah right.

I got home all wet and smelling of eggs. Well, it was fun, nonetheless. The kids got me presents and cake to make up for it, and no matter how crappy those gifts were, I still cherished them. In fact, I still have one of them (the others got broken).

Thanks for the memory boys.

Dear Tayanayam,

Remember when you ragged on me in Krabi for generally being a bitch and a big assed party pooper? And that I had a bad habit of keeping things to myself and letting it all fester in me until I get sick? Or angry? Or depressed? 

Or all of the above? Remember that?

Well, something’s been bothering me lately and I’ve tried real hard to ignore and forget it, in the hopes that in time, it too shall come to pass like so many of my other problems and issues I’ve had in the past.
 
It’s not healthy but it’s the best way I know how to handle things.

Today, however, I decided to follow your advice and talk it out. With Rania.

I told this tiny baby all about who has constantly been in my mind in the past week and she blew me a spit bubble.

I told her why I thought this person was in my mind all the time and she answered with a cute giggle.

I then told her that I was having a hard time trying to forget everything and focus on something else and she replied with a fart.

She looked at me, smiled and sucked her thumb.

You know, sometimes all you need is a different perspective of things. And from this little baby is here what I got: Life may stink like a fart sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still laugh and enjoy the journey. When you are outweighed by your own problems and that of others, you’ll realise that the simplest things (like sucking on a thumb) can make you feel better, even if it is only for a moment.

Spit bubbles? Now that’s a bonus.